I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
