I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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