great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
