Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
