Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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