I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
