when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
