I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
