you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Damn victory sex feels great
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
