i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We don't watch enough power rangers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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