Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize