the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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