I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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