I want to make a zoo with you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hippo gnu deer
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
