Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
