One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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