Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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