the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please, let me fuck your mom
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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