the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize