the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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