nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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