You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
