OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
