Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
