And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
