haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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