Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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