Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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