She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
