Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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