Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
