Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize