He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
