Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
