He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
