Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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