I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
