I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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