Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
