Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
