so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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