Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
