I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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