JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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