Can Purell be used as lube?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
