drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
