you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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