can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
