the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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