get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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