ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
