So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize