I think I won the penis lottery.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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