so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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