PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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