It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
