We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
