We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
