The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
