I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
