I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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