Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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