My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
