mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
