You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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