I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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