Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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